Torchwood: A Picspam for Beginners

2009-03-23T16:04:00Z

It's been a while, but I'm finally in the mood for picspamming. As I've just recently come back from The Hub 2, I'm all about Torchwood so I would like to celebrate season one with you all and perhaps introduce a few more of my flisties to this fantastic show.

All screencaps are by me and are free for anyone to take, enjoy, customise and molest.

Warning: Definitely contains spoilers and may also contain stuff that didn't actually happen.

It's that bloke from Icing on Dance!!! Yeah, I can't take credit for that joke, but it's a good opener Y/Y?

This is from the musical episode. Once More with Weevils.

This is the beautiful Gwen. I probably shouldn't label myself as straight because I seem to have developed a bit of a crush. Seriously.

Gwen has remarkably large eyes.

Actually, she is Queen of the Expressions.

This is Owen. He is a bastard, but we love him anyway.

Look at that mean face. Grrr.

But don't worry, folks, Gwen sorts him out.

He gives her a good sorting, too.

Expect to see lots of Sorting. It's like Harry Potter but without the Hat.

This is Tosh. We luffs her.

She gets sorted, too.

By this young lady, who is going to be at The Hub 3.

This is Ianto Jones. I love this man to the ends of the Universive and beyond.

He is Torchwood's Defender of Postcards. He is pictured here at the ready when Torchwood's postcards are threatened by a sexed-up club girl.

He definitely needs a good Sorting, but as you can see here, he's not ready. You don't really mean that, do you, Ianto?

How can you turn that down?

Or this????

You want, yes?

I thought so.

Let's talk about some of my favourite episodes and moments. This is from the episode when an alien virus breaks out of a UTF (Unidentified Thermos Flask) and infects the Torchwood team with the urge to eat and drink until they pop. As you can see, it's all rather jolly at first.

But then the situation begins to turn sinister when Ianto is absent with belly ache and Gwen has to make her own coffee.

The virus spreads to the general population.

Jack shows no fear. He has to be strong for his team.

Motivated, Gwen soldiers on.

As does Ianto. Small bites, small bites, small bites.

But eventually, the virus takes its toll and only hosing Cardiff down with Slimfast neautralises the threat.

Everyone feels terribly rough the next day. Except for Ianto.

He paced himself, fearful of exposing his secret.

Lonely and traumatised by the fall of Torchwood One and the death of his girlfriend, Ianto has been building a brand new Lego girlfriend behind Jack's back.

When Jack finds out, he is furious.

Ooops, sorry, wrong screencap. When Jack finds out, he is furious.

He and Ianto have a bit of a tiff and Jack dismantles Ianto's Lego creation. He also destroys his Lego Galleon and throws out his pirates.

And who can forget the episode where the whole team search for the perfect object to shove up Ianto's bum.

Jack makes a decision.

And Ianto needs a drink.

Then there was my favourite episode of season one, Saladcide, Where a bunch of rampant vegetarians take over the Brecon Beacons.

This is the team running away from a giant stick of celery.

It's attack of the killer tomatoes.

Ianto looks hot here, yes? He's got his meat hook just in case he spots a passing leg of cow to take away the pain of salad.

NOT LOW FAT DRESSING!!!

Is that ... it can't be. Oh god, it's shredded carrot.

LOOK AT THAT LOVELY LETTUCE, BOY! YOU WON'T GET ICEBERG LIKE THAT AT SAINSBURYS!

Psst, Tosh, I'll distract them with the sausage in my pocket and you make a run for it.

Unfortunately the sausage wasn't quite enough and Ianto jumps out of the frying pan into the fire. I don't remember where the saugsage went. Anyone?

But don't fret Torchwood beginners. PC Andy turns up and saves everyone's bacon.

This is the real Captain Jack, the man whose name our Jack originally stole, and this episode shows us a truly beautiful love story offset by Ianto and Owen's crumbling relations. I adore this episode for that fantastic contrast and also because Matt Rippy is sooooooo dreamy.

Sorry, felt the need to fixate on that episode. Let's move on to some of my favourite moments.

Yeah, I don't get it, either, love.

Who can forget the episode featuring Rhys's curry night and the toilet paper shortage. PC Andy sorted that one out, too.

Then there was the bit where Jack and Gwen went to the premier screening of ITV's new series Demons.

There there was the alien Speak N Spell that had Ianto in a tizz.

The episode where Ianto shrank down to three feet.

And the legendary moment where Gwen tries to explain fanfic and slash to a non-internet person.

The last episode of season one is very exciting indeed. Fuck Abbadon for a moment, who remembers this little incident?

Jack is on his knees first.

Everyone thought it would be Ianto.

Well, that's just about it for season one. I'm just going to leave you with two more 'caps, the first from the musical episode Once More with Weevils, and the second from the last episode, End of Days. I do hope you've enjoyed the picspam and if you are considering venturing into the Torchwood fandom, do please come join us. There's plenty of smut for everyone.

I've got a theory, it could be Weevils ...

Where's Jack?

To my flist. I'm been really ill for the past few days so will catch up on emails, posts and comments tomorrow.

Suki Has Gone Insane At Last

Torchwood: A Picspam for Beginners